Eyes Upon You

        We all live in a world where they are many people around who stop us , question us, point out our mistakes but never make an effort to correct them!

Have you noticed that boy who always jumps up on answering the questions posed on him by the teacher?
Did you ever care of talking to the girl who prefers to sit in the front benches alone?
Do you know how it feels like to have all Eyes Upon You everytime?

       We all pass on comments as...
"Arey ! he has only bookish knowledge, he is just obsessed on standing first."
"That girl! she is such a bore...she has no life...!!"
 Really?? Who are we to judge them? We hardly even know them!

                In today's world, every action of ours is judged. It takes really few people to explore the motive behind that action.Its not that nobody is perfect, infact its like we can't see anyone being perfect!. No matter how good that person is to us, we unintentionally dig upon their loop holes and try to exaggerate them for reasons we can't decipher.Why? Everyone suffers when we decide to be selfish. The basic need of life pertain to I, Me and Myself!. At times, we have no idea how hard our words strike them. There is a ocean we have to glimpse behind every smile of  theirs.

We are not aware how much it hurts, until it happens to us...!

                                    
               If  I've given a chance to change one thing around me, it would be to shower slightest sense of Humbleness on us. It's high time for everyone to change their attitude towards their fellow beings.

Hate is not the opposite of Love, Indifference surely is...!

It's sad to see so much of indifference around, moreover people drag it to their virtual lives too. Human relations are bound to be simple and kept away from any negative vibes. Lets be modest enough and treat everyone equally. Lets not draw presumptions into each others lives.

A little humility won't harm you know.
Let all the negativity burn...spread smiles...Yes, its Time To Change :-)



This post is an official entry for Stayfree's Time To Change hosted by IndiBlogger.

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Sia

                    She was early as usual. Everyday she was the first to reach the place of work.She opened the windows letting the cool breeze kiss her face and make her shiver.It was after the long winter day that sun peeped in ruling over the dark witty clouds.

                                     
                   She worked in a baby care centre and she absolutely loved her work. In about a hour or so, parents would come and leave their children here and rush to their offices.
 It was a bliss to be with children all day long.For all the little things they do, for all the smiles they shower when she plays with them,for all the innocence, sensitivity, delicacy they own..She adored being with them.She slowly took out her old brown diary,which she started writing just to re-read those moments of bliss when she would grow old, become a toothless granny and laugh her lungs out of how crazy she was!. She picked up her pen and started doodling little hearts in red ink in torn corners of the page and this brought memories back. Memories of silliness. Memories of bitter-sweet-pain. Memories of HIM...Adarsh,name that brought butterflies...



July 20th,2007:
                         They were together through out their school days. They planned their future together.They had their careers planned accordingly.Life was beautiful with each other in their lives. She was madly head-over-the-heels in love with him.He was too, atleast she thought so..

                                       

                          One abstract thought, and she tore the page off. Of all the love she had for him, he left her at the end of the day. He could'nt support his decision in front of his Mom and she wanted a high-educated wealthy bride for her precious son.She could'nt blame his mom for her fate. She convinced herself that she did'nt want someone who could'nt stand up for the decisions they take!.

                          She felt cheated.He promised to grow old with her.Listen music and watch bad TV throughout the day's length.Why did he have to break it? Time moved too fast for her to keep up with its pace.They said it'll be painful for a few months and then her life would adapt itself to this subtle change. Why was'nt her pain subsiding? Four long, wistful years had rolled by. Had'nt she suffered enough? These questions itched her fate and she could'nt scratch it. Once again they were no answers. She did'nt know what to feel anymore. It was tiring task. Right and wrong agreed with each other. Her face broke into infrequent tremors of grief, pain and wishful longing.

A tear fell, hot as acid, and scarred the flimsy white.

Nostalgia won.Again.

She wrote.And then ,some more.

      "Good Morning! Ciyah Are you there?" and she was back to this world.There was a man holding his daughter who was half asleep glaring stunnigly at her unusual numb-attitude.Shuting her brown diary and putting it back in its place, she retorted "Uff! Mr.Sekhar,Its S-I-A not Ciyah,short and sweet" ."Oh yeah! such weird name it is! Okay I'm in a hurry.My wife is coming back today and she will pick up Aria at 5 in the evening.Is it fine?" he fumbled handing his daughter to her and left without even waiting for her reply. Her day has started, she hugged Aria in her sleep and tried to cuddle off her morning weariness. Surprisingly enough, she hugged her back.

  Yes! her job filled her emptiness.

      Eventually, the place got filled with children cries,sounds of laughter and voices of nannies...she got herself occupied with talking to parents, enrolling new names into the list...

She sat with files dealing with the enrollment numbers, arranging them in order to make her work easier.

"Excuse me! where can I register my child's name?" she heard a woman's voice.
"Hmm U need to fill in the details here" she said without looking up,handing over a aplication form, disliking the interruption.
The woman took few minutes and handed over the form to her.
She examined and looked up reluctantly pointing "You did'nt fill your husband's designation"
"My husband's not here any more...He died in a accident 6 months ago" she said trying to control her tears with the end of  her saree.
"I'm so sorry!" she hurriedly said cursing herself  hard for asking this. She looked intently at that woman then, she looked tired, weary who was trying her best to fight back her tears.
"Its fine.You did'nt know" that woman smiled with a voice that filled with pain.
There is always something so intriguing about a broken shy smile she thought.
"What's your baby's name?" she asked trying to divert the topic, she sympathised her situation.

"Oh its Sia.S-I-A short and sweet. Actually my husband loves that name" the woman breaked out silently

 The pen fell from her hands!.The world stopped for her.Her heart skipped a beat. Her eyes and mouth opened wider

"UHH!What's your husband's name?" she asked slowly breaking down

                               


NO...She didnt want to know the answer.Never.She stood there voice dead.


Nostalgia won.Again.And she surrendered to it willingly.

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Unfilled Emotions

                           
                                                  Gaping at plain paper...
                                               wishing it to flood out with words..
                                            when at a hard time to resonate ambiguity.
                                             It came slowly, swiftly without answers!...
                                         relinquishing the pain hidden deep...
                                        in the sands of time...undisturbed, unquestioned, airy !
                                              Striking the evil-reality...
                                    when the most outrageous imagination drowns,
                                          in the sea of thoughts trapped in my head...
                                     to dump all the emotions captured by time...
                                             longing for passion to reap!..
                                  Yet! for the turmoil aroused,
                                         to relish the moment of daily anecdotes...
                                         I wish to be the smile of  your dreams

                                                Years from now,
                                   we won`t remember the totes in the corner...
                                But the efforts made to respect the way it felt matters!
                                    The vibrant laughter..fits perfectly well...
                                              with those stifled sobs...

                                             Stranded midst reality...
                                       choosing to getaway by letting go...
                                              Is clogged!
                                          Giving wings to my heart...
                                       pouring my soul out on paper...
                                      The wind flows away that page,
                                     dragging my heart to be caged,
                               which always dreamt of flying with you...

                            The salty blot on the paper...explains it all!

Why can`t we just say what we feel?!
What's the point in hiding things one feels?
Sooner or later unsaid things just hurt more, it would never make a situation good but worse..
These days, nothing can be hidden or lied upon... Everything is like open...
Keeping mum never helps...

Well! Silence is blissful Only when the person sharing it knows the reason behind it...
Else...its all vacuum...The Void..!!

                  

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My "Love" Story

                          I`ve never been a believer of love-at-first-sight.I staunchly believed it to be an early indication of the new era`z apocalypse. And to think it was plagiarised too. Well, not until that fateful friday...

                         I came back from my college in the afternoon. My dad was waiting for me, as we planned to do my birthday shopping that evening. Being a tiring day, I`ve decided to go on a long walk by the beach. It all began like this...

                        I was sitting on the bench eating a ice cream (which is my usual beach-session`z rule).I seldom come here with my friends, it was my thinking place, the place I just leave my mind to wander, just set it free and let it be. With no pressure, no things to do, no deadlines it was relaxing. When...all of a sudden it got windy, and how! It went "whoooosssssshhhhh..." and "whooooossssssshhhh"! Ahhhhh!!! Tiny rocks and pebbles tinkered on the feet and I got blown off (literally!).I stood up to leave but then I saw HIM. Yes! He was right there beside me, staring intently with those innocent eyes (Dunno! for how long!). He was in his best-self, wearing my favourite blue T .He gave a smile And I was above the heaven, already a mile I get the goose-bumps when I think of him.

                                           Clouds like a war fleet gathering around,

                                            with claps of thunder,

                                            And streaks of light...

                                            Like an approaching sense  of apocalyptic doom

                                            It intimidates everyone in sight,

                                            Enveloping me in its cool embrace,

                                            An escape from the grey clouds inside...

Oh! I can`t tell you how good it felt...!

                        I could`nt speak a word. I wanted that moment to be paused right there. And so it had to happen...I took HIM to my home!. Absolutely brain-dead at that moment...

                                          Love is such a Wonderful Thing,

                                           Blissful when I was little thing!

                                          I might had a crush on Leo (Leonardo Dicaprio)

                                          But this new-pal of mine stole my heart...

                                      

                                          Of all I was full of Emotions,

                                         Emotions which I thought never existed,

                                         We were friends Or were we?

                        And now I could`nt control. Like a car with a tank full of petrol, went running home shouting out loud to my mom, to show my new found- love!     

                                      
                                        

                                         Lol ! yeah!! this was what I found !

                                         It was there on the bench un-claimed!

                                         Poor thing! could leave it...!

                                         Between I named it "Love"

                           I love every little thing that comes my way. I love every book I get to read (Well, Some books are just books. Some are much more) with instrumental music playing around. Books yeah! this definitely deserves an entire post. I love long drives with my crazy-stupid-awesome-est-friends. I love those tiny little chats that leaves a smile on your face whole day. Its just that you can`t plan everything in your life, when you have a plan all charted out and dreams of a life that fits perfectly in the plan, it is really scary to wake up one day and find yourself standing in front of a different chart with half-baked plans and dreams. Very scary!. So yeassshh! I care for every little thing, they definitely leave an impact on me...

As we are talking about love, its definitely incomplete without this...

To my love,

                                      If I could write our love...

                                     It would be with permanent ink

                                     something that could never smear even 

                                   if to the bottom of the ocean it did sink!

                                     

                                    If I could write our love...

                                   to show the romance of our relationship

                                  that was sent from above

                                    it would be typed in the cursive of French Script

                                 And the paper would be white,

                                    pure and crisp as a dove

      

                                 If I could write our love...

                                 it would be a great piece of art,

                                 it would be kept away from everything,

                                  close to me...protected...

                                 so it could never be torn apart..

                      

                                                                                      sincerely,

                                                                                             Me

Thanks for the read,

Cheers :-)

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She`s Not Important

                                       

That girl who,

                      bounces for little joys...

                      laughs, talks a lot And seems very happy,

                      Is also the same girl who

                     pushes herself too hard to fall asleep every night...

                     Being constantly excited about something and entertained 

                     Is a very difficult state to attain

                     Not a single day passes ,

                    without a tear drop...

                     His thoughts always preoccupy her mind,

                     every time she asks god

                     to make him think of her

                     each nerve of her gets tuned...

                     She cheerfully would trade all her hours,

                     just to listen what he speaks...

                     Even a single glance of his

                     Is enough to give her chilling shivers...

                     She affectionately stares at his pictures

                     dreaming to be there with him...

                      All these things,

                     He`d be bored to listen

                     Its tickling how she loves even his ignorance

                     Everyone has a certain habit 

                     they can't give up, 

                    no matter how hard they try...

                    

                    So yes! That little girl whose life is a subset of his life...

                                         Has No Life indeed 

                                       as She`s Not Important...For him...!!

                              

"She loves him, and coz she loves him, she would sooner have him hate her for telling him the truth than adore her for telling him lies"

                                      

                                           "Beauty is happiness, and sadness...

                                             Life needs both, this song is a pure expression of that...

                                             True Beauty"

           

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iHidden

"When you try your best, but you don't succeed, when you get what you need, but not what you want..."
                      You`ve got one life they say but how can they easily ignore the countless compromises it comes with.However, every thought, every line, every word that we pen down in our 'not so' personal diaries gives growth to a writer-bud within you...
                      It lets you Hide and Whisper those tiny little words which seem to be loud cries of your heart. It gives hope in sadness, something that insists life to be seen from a more optimistic view...though this optimism may seem far fetched sometimes...
                                       
                                      
                                        
                                       Do you know how it feels to be ignored?
                                      Do you know how it feels to not be a 
                                      part of someone`s happiness?
                                      Do you know how it feels to be a reason
                                      of someone`s cry?

                                     They are certain human emotions
                                      that rob our lives from our hands...
                                     And its intriguing how we surrender ourselves to them
                                     Like we are under some spell...!!
                                     But these vibes are not pain!
                                     its a struggle to keep up...
                                     Sometimes it so happens,
                                     You have to realize that some people can  
                                     Stay In Your Heart Forever...
                                     But not in your life.
                                              

  For that happiness running in the parallel universe, for the peace and serenity it might bring, but for now its- Hiding Behind My Words!
                                        
                                      

 So, yes! these are certain fragments of my dairy...                       

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The Wait

                          

                                    
It was tough to open all my secrets to YOU...
I was so naive,
That...
I like-ed YOU...
I trust-ed YOU...
I admire-ed YOU...
I respect-ed YOU...

 But 

Every time I decide-ed I won`t give in my courage
YOU come and break in like a storm...
YOU were like wind...
came and gone in a eyes glance
That little affection YOU carry around...
Hits me harder
I can`t imagine my life without YOU
All I want-ed was to...
be with YOU 
stand by YOU
argue with YOU
fight with YOU
support YOU

But

All YOU gift-ed ME was 
push-ing ME down
abandon-ing MY heart
murder-ing MY feelings

But

Why I don`t understand?
I keep WAITING for YOU...
Wishing to see the rainbow of your eyes
Coz I know you`ll come back
Only to leave ME again...


                                          I thought it was only me...
                                         But now YOU`ve found her
                                         And I know that 
                                        YOU can never look at me
                                        The way YOU look at her...

And the reason why I don`t want to blame YOU
For this woe is coz
It was never your fault...

I kept hearing things,
The ones YOU never verbalized
I kept holding on to promises,
Which YOU never made
I made myself believe that,
YOU were the only ONE I needed
And I kept believing that someday,
Your transient feeling towards ME
Will blossom into something else

but

how could I forget that,
what we want the most 
is the only thing that is never gonna happen...?!

                                             For now...
                                             I hope YOU`ll realize
                                             how it feels
                                             To be stranded on thruway
                                             that leads to NOWHERE...!!!
  

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Here For You...

                               
                                  Indolent were those days...
                                before I met you
                                Each tomorrow was same as yesterday...
                                books squeezed most of my time
                               
                               Then YOU entered my life...
                                things were`nt the same anymore
                                Every new day began with a hope...
                                sweet feeling slowly crept in

                               Moment of bliss bust in...
                               every moment with you was blessed
                               Time just flew by...
                               The joy that you bring , filled my day

what more could I ask for?
elated by the very feeling...
wishing upon a star ,
but...
Yes, I was cut down...

                               The feelings I have for you...
                               never seem to die,
                               I keep having those memories...
                               And I don`t why ?
                                
                                Memories of what we talked... 
                               what we thought,
                                how we felt...
                                Still stay in my head,
                              
                                 Although my heart was torn...
                                 I did nothing but forgive,
                               We pushed through our lives...
                                 And we continued to live

Tablets of the memory,
 never faded away...

Because sometimes I go back,

before each breaking day...

                              Being friends was one thing...

                              that we both agreed,

                               Upon all of this...

                              I thought I was freed,

                                   

                              Freed from everything

                              That kept me to you, 

                               But I`m still not...

                              And I know it`s true,

                             

                              Now its all empty...

                              in the valley of my heart,

                             As hard as it might be...

                             Sometimes, we just have to let go,

I don't know,

how to handle a complicated heart...

 If I had to pray for someone,

I`d pray for you...

       

                             I`m stuck without a voice,

                             without thoughts...

                            And without the strength,

                             to move on...

                            

                             This is something,

                              I need to do on my own...

                             This is the path You chose,

                             This is the way I should go...

                            

                               Because the one thing I do know,

                              Being pulled back to reality,

                              And to let my heart be untroubled by judgements 

                            Is I can bring my feelings to death...

  

Even if we are,

never again together...

I`m always Here For You

Always and forever...

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Cremated Truth

                           It`s tormenting when you want to share something with a person who means a lot to you but yet that very person becomes the last human on this earth you would ever want to tell the Truth

                           Coz deep down you know...it would definitely hurt them, your views would`nt be appreciated and the remaining 'bits and pieces' could also be lost. Eventually peace of mind is lost too, as you are left with No solution. Everything seems flawed when you think too much. I guess that's what happens when lot of things remain unsaid, they cloud up inside your head and mess it up...

                             In the battle between the brain and the heart, the brain normally wins. Even if heart looses, it does`nt allow the brain to stay happy. Deep feelings can be dangerous at times...!!
                                  

                                     
                           Instead of clinging to the shreds of possibilities with a false hope of reliving them again, perhaps it`s wise enough to hold  a firm grip upon yourself and fake-around. Thereby, truth has to  be Hidden Deep. In that way you can avoid hurting many people and when question comes about your heart... Well, huh! who cares ??? ;)



P.S Hard to Forget... Harder to Express...

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